What is Wrong?
When I reactivated my Instagram account, I felt a wave of excitement and relief. After overcoming a mental block and the fears of returning, I was ready to dive back in. But what I didn’t expect was the strange sense of detachment that soon followed. Everyone welcomed me back with open arms, and yet, instead of feeling exhilarated, I felt like the oxygen had left the room. It was like trying to rekindle a relationship after a breakup—the magic just wasn’t there. I thought I’d jump right back in and pick up where I left off, but instead, it felt like something had changed. It’s hard to put into words, but the best way I can describe it is like trying to get back together with someone after a breakup. The chemistry was off, the energy was different, and I find myself questioning why I didn’t feel the same spark that I used to.
As I started to unpack these feelings, I realized that there was more going on beneath the surface. I wasn’t just feeling ‘blah’; I was dealing with the aftermath of my own expectations and the emotional toll of what had happened before I deactivated my account.
Emotional Disconnection
I realized there was still a lingering hurt, something that hadn’t fully healed. I wanted to feel inspired, to create like I used to, but there was a block—almost as if I hadn’t forgiven Instagram for what had happened. How do you let go of that kind of energy? How do you move on and rediscover the joy in creating?
This morning, I created an image that I would have been proud of a few months ago, but now, it just feels flat. There’s no excitement, no spark. It made me realize that I’m struggling with more than just a creative block—I’m battling the pressure to stay relevant, to keep up with the metrics that Instagram constantly throws in my face. It’s hard to dance like nobody’s watching when you know that everyone is.
This made me think about the psychology behind it all. I learned that when you receive likes and followers, your brain releases dopamine—a neurotransmitter associated with pleasure and reward. It creates a sense of validation and satisfaction, but it also makes you reliant on external validation to feel good about your work or yourself. This explained why simply creating an awesome image wasn’t enough for me—I was seeking something deeper, something that made me feel validated.
It turns out that this pressure is common. According to social comparison theory, people have an innate drive to compare themselves to others as a way to evaluate their own abilities and value. Instagram’s metrics make it so easy to fall into this trap, where I start to equate my worth with my social media performance. No wonder I’ve been feeling so drained.
Reconnecting with Purpose
When I first started my Instagram journey, it was all about learning and experimenting with AI. The idea of sharing my creations with others was exciting, and the followers came quicker than I expected. But somewhere along the way, my focus shifted from the joy of creating to the need for performance and metrics. I’ve always been driven by competition—it’s in my nature to compare, to strive, to win. But in the Instagram world, that drive can feel like both a blessing and a curse.
Through this reflection, I’ve come to understand that my desire for followers and validation is deeply rooted in my competitive nature. The CliftonStrengths assessment I took in high school highlighted competition as one of my core strengths, explaining why I thrive on comparison and measurement. This has fueled my successes, but it’s also made me more vulnerable to the pressures of social media. Moving forward, I need to find a balance between my drive to achieve and the joy of creating for myself
I’ve learned that I’m deeply driven by metrics—maybe too much. It’s something I struggle with, but it’s also a part of who I am. I’m wired to compete, to achieve, to focus on growth. And while that drive can push me to create, it can also make me question my worth when the numbers don’t add up. The question now is whether to fight that instinct or embrace it.
Reflection and Moving Forward
I don’t have all the answers yet, and maybe that’s okay. This experience has made me rethink my relationship with Instagram and how I approach my creative work. Moving forward, I need to figure out what role Instagram should play in my life—whether it’s a central part of my expression or just one of many outlets. For now, I’m still figuring that out.
I’ve tried other platforms, but Instagram still feels like the place where my work resonates most. Yet, this reliance on external validation is something I need to manage better. How do I create in a way that’s fulfilling, even when the metrics don’t add up? The technical aspect of AI image generation excites me, but it’s the sharing that really motivates me. It’s the act of putting my work out there, of seeing it resonate with others, that keeps me going. Yet, that need for validation is also what complicates my relationship with Instagram. And if I don’t find a way to keep it from consuming me it could derail me and prevent me from continuing one of the most creative experiences I have ever had. And that would be shame.
I’ve learned that it’s okay to acknowledge my need for validation—after all, it’s part of who I am. But I also realize that I need to set boundaries, detox from metrics occasionally, and focus on what truly motivates me. It’s about finding joy in the creative process itself, rather than solely in the outcome. I’m still figuring out where to go from here. This experience has made me rethink my relationship with Instagram and how I approach my creative work. Moving forward, I want to experiment with new ways of engaging with Instagram—ways that prioritize my well-being and creative fulfillment over metrics. I’m committed to staying true to myself, even if it means changing how I interact with social media.
This journey is far from over, but I’m learning to embrace the uncertainty and trust in my ability to navigate it. Whether I continue to share my work on Instagram or explore new avenues, I’m ready to take the next step—wherever it leads.
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